


Two Masters, Wine and a Video Call

by VaultOfMelkurMistress



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Making Out, Master/Missy, the Master is drunk, there's self flirting, they video call the Doctor, with themself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 04:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26347183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VaultOfMelkurMistress/pseuds/VaultOfMelkurMistress
Summary: “Well helloooo to you too, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. This is your intergalactic call centre, and I have a call for you. I shall connect you shortly.”“A call...sorry but are you drunk ?” the Doctor said.“Well yes I am, don’t be so rude!” she said, feigning offence. “Here at M.I.S.S.I telecoms we always consume alcohol as our entire system runs on hard liquor to fuel it. Now, as I was saying, I have a call for the Doctor. Are you the Doctor?”“Yes...hold on. Your system is powered by alcohol ?”“Well right this minute it is!” she said, laughing.
Relationships: The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), The Master (Simm)/Missy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32
Collections: A Mayhem of Masters





	Two Masters, Wine and a Video Call

“Oh, it’s you. _Great_. Just who I wanted to see, and that’s sarcasm dear, in case you didn’t pick up on that.”

The Master stared at his future self, standing with her hand on her hip, glaring at him. He felt affronted and justifiably so in his opinion, because all he had done was walk out of his TARDIS and she was angry with him, on sight. Personal history with himself aside, she was being unreasonable.

“ _Missy_ ,” he muttered under his breath, his annoyance clear as he walked quickly over to her, stopping close enough that they could speak in hushed tones and not ruin the chance of ruling the planet they had both ended up on at the same time, should one of them decide to on a whim.

“Yes _dearest,_ ” she hissed, her eyes a blaze with a silent promise to end him, or that’s how he decided to take it. 

Probably best to. He knew himself.

He stared at her, she glared at him, he sighed deeply.

“What happened?” he asked. 

“The Doctor,” she said, astonished that he had to ask. “Same reason you’re here dear.”

“Yes, well, he doesn’t improve with age does he?” he said, shaking his head and gesturing to the bar behind her. 

“He doesn’t,” she said, relaxing slightly as she turned and began walking to the bar. “Good job we do.”

‘ _Good job we do_ ,’ he mouthed sarcastically, appalled at the concept that he could ever be improved upon. 

She was smiling from her spot in the cushioned alcove, her spot that took entirely too much room and left him with very little. She really knew how to annoy him and he fully intended to annoy her back just as hard. That was his intention. If he ignored the memories of everything else they had done together in the two weeks on that doomed ship, and the rather unpleasant manner in which they had parted ways. Annoying her was his foolproof plan. 

She swung her legs over his lap as soon as he sat down beside her and smirked at the huff of annoyance he gave as he slid further into the seat, trying to get comfortable as she arranged her skirts over his lap and leaned back comfortably, holding a bottle of wine. 

“Must you do that?” he muttered.

“Yes I must. Wine?” she said.

He made a move to take the bottle and paused, met with a shocked glare that quickly turned thoroughly chastising and sent a sudden burst of arousal through him. 

“Don’t be so uncouth! Where is your sense of sophistication? There are two glasses on the table. We may be feeling sad, but we still have manners!”

“I’m not sad,” he said as he reached over and picked up the glasses, a difficult manoeuvre given the layers of purple fabric and petticoat draped over his lap. 

“Oh fine, the Doctor’s rejection made you come here for a relaxed drink this time, well I am sad and I am not afraid to admit it.”

“I’m not afraid to admit anything,” he snapped, putting his glass straight to his lips as soon as she filled it. “I’m not having some heart to heart with you and talking about our _feelings_.”

“Oh of course not, that might get kinky, and this is a public place...not that a concept such as that would spoil it for me.”

He looked at her as she sipped her wine, the stem of the glass held almost delicately in her hand and grinned. 

“Oh stop, just because I find the concept of us banging on the table right here and now appealing, doesn't mean I’m going to do it.”

“Really?” he said, the bitter disappointment in his voice making her giggle. 

“You and I, always come to this charming establishment on this particular planet for only one reason. What did yours do?”

“Nothing,” he said, sinking back in his seat and making a big show of shifting around beneath her legs.

“Oh honey,” she said, sympathy and sorrow instantly colouring her voice. “I’m sorry, it’s awful when he does that.”

“I know!” he exclaimed in frustration. “I left subtle clues and he didn’t follow them. I set a nearby planet on fire, he just put it out and left! I even scorched a huge letter M into the planet's surface with lasers and still, STILL he didn’t try and track me down.”

“Well that’s just mean of him. He really can be horrible to us dearest,” she said, her arm draped along the back of the seat as she cast him a genuinely sympathetic look. 

“What did yours do?” he said, his eyes meeting hers with genuine sadness. 

“Oh, abandoned me on a forest floor, while I lay there paralysed and Cybermen took a shine to my tantalising Time Lord body. No….wait,” she paused, her expression turning hard and cold. “That was you.”

“Oh, yeah, haven't apologised for that have I?” he said, suddenly feeling a flash guilt and if he dared to admit it, regret at the foolishness of his actions. 

“No, you haven’t,” she said, with another chastising glare that made him shift on his seat.

“How come you are not all squishy in the right places and gorgeously laced up?” she asked, sipping her drink as her other hand idly raised to his hair, fiddling with the nearest strand she could reach.

“Fusion tech...haven’t thought of a snappy name for it yet, grabbed it in time and healed myself,” he said, casting her a challenging look. “Did you not remember I had that?”

“How am I supposed to remember what date I built a device by? I gambled on you not having finished it. Anyway, the important question is how did _I_ survive!”

“Fiine,” he said, rolling his eyes. “How did you survive?”

“Laser shielding in my corset, triggers temporary paralysis when activated by a laser beam at a certain minimum intensity level. Don’t try it again, It was stupid.”

“It might have been a bit...rash,” he said, making a move to grab the bottle and coughing as he shifted more sharply underneath the weight of her legs when she slapped his hand firmly. 

“Manners dearest!”

He smiled and held out his glass, watching as she filled it almost to the brim and topped up her own swiftly. The wine was strong, to both of their liking and half a bottle soon warmed them both well, Missy’s weight growing heavier on his legs but it bothered him less as he shifted to lean closer, her arm dropping around his shoulders. 

"Glad we can move on from all that, not hold a grudge and all that," he said.

"Yes, not like us to ever hold a grudge," she said, raising an eyebrow and winking at him. 

They stared at each other in silence before simultaneously breaking into laughter and finally relaxing in each others company with thoughts of their past action merely settling at the back of their minds, but not spoiling their chance meeting in the slightest. 

“You know what our problem is don't you honey?” she said, sitting up until she was half on his lap. 

“If you say it’s how bad and evil we are I am gonna warn you I might be sick,” he said, frowning. 

“No!” she said, laughing, her speech slurring slightly. “Terribly wrong to be bad etc etc, it’s a sore point for me, I would advise you to avoid it. No, our problem is that we just love the Doctor. So. _Very_. Much.”

“Why is that a problem? And why should I avoid the topic, it bothers me!”

“It’s a problem,” she said, shifting to sit completely on his lap and wriggling to get comfortable, much to his utter discomfort. “It’s a problem, because it leaves us going to our favourite quiet little bar on a planet where we can pass by relatively unbothered and unnoticed and drown our sorrows. Do you see the Doctor doing this? NO! He’s out there, gallivanting around with adoring humans being all wonderful and doing hero type..things. That’s his kink, and it gives me icky remorse feelings, so AVOID THAT SUBJECT.”

“WE’RE his kink!” the Master said, outraged at the prospect. “Definitely avoiding it then, remorse? What’s the point in that?”

“I told you to leave it dearest, you’d be _wise_ to listen. Now look, stay on topic here, what are we going to do about this?”

“Kidnap one of his stupid human friends and their family, torture a bit, turn the whole world into us so he can’t possibly NOT notice us?” he helpfully suggested. 

“Honey please, let's try to be original. How about something on a big scale, an army of some sort, something we control...Cybermen!”

“I do think Cybermen are an excellent idea, and he won't expect it,” he said smiling.

“Yes, we can come up with a thoroughly original plan here, like nothing we have ever come up with before,” she said, laughing. 

“What did he do darling?” he asked. “You didn't tell me.”

“Same as you, nothing. Regenerated and hasn’t looked me up. I have watched her off having ‘fun’, and she has been making some effort, a few searches here and there, but I’ve been gone ten years now and it’s been about a week for her, so I give her three more days, four max to snap out of that post regeneration haze she gets and then I’m abducting a pet.”

“Well, we can forgive her a bit if she’s hazy - the Doctor always struggles with it,” he said, swigging from the bottle now and smirking in amusement as Missy grabbed it back from him and did the same. “ _We_ never have a problem like that.”

“Well honey, we know we go from perfection to perfection, the poor dear leaves it all to chance every time!”

“Idiot,” the Master said, snatching the bottle back and swigging the last dregs as Missy held her arms out to him.

He dropped the bottle to the ground and shifted until he was half laying in her arms, his head on her chest.

“Biggest idiot there is,” he slurred. 

“Eeven bigger than you,” she said, placing a kiss on his head.

“We should...wait, what?” he said, abruptly sitting up and pointing at her. “Did you just say I'm more of an idiot that the Doctor?”

“Well, honey, come on now,” she coughed and did her very best past self accent. _“Are you asking me out on a date_.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“You have to be direct with the Doctor, he never gets it. You gotta grab him, throw him onto the nearest surface and say; you and me Theta, right here.”

“Suppose you did that did you?”

“Well, locking me up for all that time did have its perks. Kind of a relief to have a nice sit down, knowing he’s right there and not run around putting all that effort in. He came around to the concept that he needed to _meet all my needs_.”

“Oh, I see your point, still you got all _infected_ with remorse,” he said with a shudder.

“I warned you dearest,” she said. 

“Fine, ok, let's call the Doctor, be direct,” he said.

“Why not. Yours or mine?”

“Mine. Yours is regenerated and hazy. We can call him once he calms down from the whole Saxon thing,” he said with a grimace.

“He thinks you’re dead, a bit awkward, ruins the element of surprise for next time.”

“Every time he pretends to believe it, but I really got him that time though,” he said, grimacing. 

“We can be almost as mean as the Doctor sometimes,” she said, giggling. “Okay, let’s call, I’ll go first.”

The Master smirked and took out his phone, passing it to Missy who sat up as straight as a rather drunk Time Lord could and began a video call. 

The Doctor appeared on the screen and her eyes brightened, a flash of sobriety shooting through her at the sight of him. 

“Hello?” he said, confused by the unfamiliar woman on screen.

“Well helloooo to you too, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. This is your intergalactic call centre, and I have a call for you. I shall connect you shortly.”

“A call...sorry but are you _drunk_?” the Doctor said.

“Well yes I am, don’t be so rude!” she said, feigning offence. “Here at M.I.S.S.I telecoms we always consume alcohol as our entire system runs on hard liquor to fuel it. Now, as I was saying, I have a call for the Doctor. Are you the Doctor?”

“Yes...hold on. Your system is powered by _alcohol_?”

“Well right this minute it is!” she said, laughing. 

“I’ve never heard of M.I.S.S.I telecoms, what does that stand for?” the Doctor said, looking puzzled and confused. 

“Mobile Intergalactic Smart System and Internet. Shall I connect your call?”

“Well...yes...Missi...I’ve never heard of that..”

Missy’s eyes flashed with excitement as she dared to hope the Doctor might figure it out this time. 

“It’s also my name.”

“You have the same name as the company you work for?” the Doctor asked, a flash of suspicion growing that he could not place. 

“Yes, my name is Missy,” she said with a bright smile. “And I am here to assist you!”

“Missy, ok, well who is the call from?”

She rolled her eyes and slumped back in her seat. 

“Doctor really? Think about it. Ok, I give you that it may be a bit of a stretch to expect you to guess without clues, so ask me what Missy is short for?”

“What?! Can you connect my call?” he asked, baffled. 

“Oh go _on_ , ASK me!”

“Fine, what is Missy short for?” he said, shaking his head.

“Mistress. It’s short for Mistress, does that remind you of anything?”

“No,” he said. “Very similar to the name of the company you work for though.”

“Doctor really?” she said, astonished, and ignoring her younger self as he chuckled, his head now on her lap. “Think about it, what word is really _really_ similar to Mistress?”

“Well I suppose….OH!” he paid, looking delighted with himself. “I’ve got it! Dominatrix...oh...what kind of phone service is this?”

“This is not a _sex line_ Doctor!” she said, rather too loudly as a hush fell over the bar. “ _Mistress_. Really why is it so hard? Think outside the box! What else does mistress make you think of?”

“Do you work from a script? Do all your calls connect like this?” he asked.

“DOCTOR!” she said, sobering by the second out of pure frustration. “What do you _do_ with a mistress?”

“Well, you…” the Doctor paused and frowned. “Is there a manager I can speak to?”

Missy burst into laughter and the Doctor frowned at the sound of a second person’s laughter coming from somewhere nearby her. 

“No! You can’t! You OBEY a mistress, and who else do you obey? Surely THAT rings a bell, somewhere? Oh come on Doctor! Tiny little bell ringing...anywhere?”

“Who are you?” he said, a sudden seriousness falling over him as realisation struck him hard. 

“Is he there?” he asked, his hearts racing. “Are you...did he marry again?”

“DOCTOR!” she said, as the Master laughed hard from his comfortable position on her lap, laughing loudly. “I AM THE MASTER, IT’S NOT THAT DIFFICULT!”

“You...oh. OH. Mistress..Master...why didn’t I see that?”

“BECAUSE YOU NEVER DO!” she shouted, her Scottish lilt thickening as she stared at him. 

“You….survived...you’re after him? After Harold Saxon...how can...you're not alone here...Is he with you?” his words rushed out as his hearts began to thud in his chest, confusion and hope and fear all rolling into one tightly tangled mess that almost hurt his hearts with it’s intensity. 

“Honey, it’s not complicated, or evil or anything. Me and me had a little drink and I told him to be more direct, he’s not dead, shocker I know, who would have guessed that I, the Master, survived. But anyways, he wants to ask you something.”

Missy angled the phone down and the Master looked directly into the camera. As soon as he caught sight of the Doctor he sat bolt upright, his breath quickening as he stared into the phone.

“Doctor,” he said, his mouth suddenly dry.

“Master...how..” the Doctor began, then frowned as Missy snatched the phone and tutted. 

“Now now boys, let’s skip the standard; Master! But how did you survive! I thought you were really properly dead forever and ever etc etc - and just cut to the chase.”

The Master grabbed the phone back and met the Doctor's eyes, steeling himself for the moment. 

“Doctor...I’m asking you out on a date. You and me. Maybe other me too, you need to make something up to her that you haven't actually done yet. But us, date. Sound good?”

“Well,” the Doctor said, rushing to process the fact the Master was alive and talking to him - _two Masters_ , but his Master, right there...and asking him on a date. 

“Honey the suspense is killing me for real this time!” Missy called out, giggling as the Master slapped her leg and told her to shush. 

“A date? Well...I suppose...we do need to talk and…”

“No talking Doctor, an actual date. Look I have places to burn and people to kill, or I could be on date with you instead, your choice.”

“Oh blackmail, nice touch,” Missy said, looking impressed.

“Why do that? Honestly, we could just...do exactly that. Date. OK. When and where?”

“Oh, he said yes?” Missy said stunned. 

“Right here, now. Sending coordinates,” the Master said, ending the call and staring at Missy in a slight panic. She smiled affectionately at him as the sound of a TARDIS materialising nearby filled the air around them. He reached out and stroked her face quite lovingly.

“Thanks darling,” he said. “Join us?”

“Just for a little while, you boys need some alone time, well done dearest,” she said with a smile as she leaned forward and kissed him softly. 

He moaned and wrapped his arms around her pulling her as close as possible to him while she responded eagerly, her arms around him, roaming everywhere as they kissed deeply, moaning into each other’s mouths with no restraint whatsoever. They pulled back multiple times, briefly breaking their kiss to utter words of admiration, compliments and downright pornographic suggestions to each other, only stopping when the sound of someone coughing loudly caught their attention. 

They both snapped their heads around, her hand underneath his shirt and his inside her blouse, futilely fiddling with the steel clasps of her corset. 

“Really?” the Doctor said, staring at them in disbelief. “You…..really.”

The two Masters untangled themselves from each other and reluctantly pulled apart, leaving a space between them. Missy patted the seat with a smile. 

“Saved you a seat Doctor,” the Master said. 

The Doctor sighed, shaking his head and sat down, feeling an instant sense of relief and a barrage of emotion as both Masters slipped an arm around him and rested a head on his shoulder. He could only respond by wrapping his arms around them both and holding them as tightly as he could. 

“Master,” he said, closing his eyes in relief. “Don’t do that ever again.”

“I’ll try not to,” the Master said.

“Wellllll,” Missy said. “Gotta say I’m going to never stop the whole coming back form the dead thing. It’s kinda my signature move.”

“Promise to _try_ not to let me think you’re dead?”

“We’ll try,” the Master said. 

The Doctor opened his eyes, looking from one Master to the other, both settled comfortable with his arms around them. He decided not to move for a very long time. 

  
  
  



End file.
